OLY and the FAT CATS

OLY WAS RAISED BY A FAMILY OF BEAVERS in the wilds of British Columbia after being inadvertently left at a forest campsite by his Swiss parents who were rushing to catch the ferry in Prince Rupert. BY THE TIME THEY NOTICED Oly wasn’t in the back of their rented motor home, Oly’s parents were already on the ferry to Port Hardy and were too embarrassed to tell anyone. (Plus, they had another son back home who was showing much more promise.) SO THEY DECIDED to keep their mouths shut and continue their journey across Canada. IT WASN'T UNTIL MANY YEARS LATER that Oly’s Beaver Parents told him he wasn’t their real son and Oly was so traumatized he threw his retainer (overbite) and some bark chips into a backpack and started hitch-hiking to the big city. THAT'S WHERE HE MET RICKI SANTINI who was scalping tickets outside GM Place at the time to pay her way through law school. RICKI TAUGHT OLY how to survive on the mean streets and dance floors of Vancouver and was there for him when Oly discovered there was more than one meaning for the word ‘beaver’. IT WAS A FATEFUL RAINY NIGHT one autumn when Oly and Ricki decided to try ripping off a cab driver by jumping out of his taxi when they got to the Yale Hotel. THAT CAB DRIVER WAS BINDER PANU, who had them both by the scruff of the neck with their feet off the ground before they’d made it twenty yards. BINDER SMACKED THEM TOGETHER LIKE CYMBALS a couple times until Ricki started pulling bills out of her pockets and smooth-talking her way out of it. (Oly was bawling like a baby and making strange animal sounds.) WHICH IS HOW Binder and Ricki discovered they had a mutual love for 'masala dosa' and 'idli'. AFTER A LATE-NIGHT SNACK AT ******'s, they decided they really should do something meaningful with their lives and that doing it together would be like, even more cool, dude. SO THEY POOLED THEIR MONEY and bought a Play Station 2. YEARS LATER, they had bonded in a way that only countless hours of video games can lead to and when 'Guitar Hero' came out they discovered their unbelievably awesome musical talents. THAT'S WHEN they formed the band 'RICKI, BEAVER & BINDER', which was an abysmal failure since real instruments are much harder to play than video games. BUT THEY STUCK WITH IT and eventually ran into AUSTIN KOWLOON at a Rave when they were all on E and discovered they really, REALLY, loved hugging each other. (That was the one and only time in their lives they have ever taken drugs because drugs are VERY, VERY bad for you.) AUSTIN JOINED THE BAND, suggested the name change, and brought with him all the connections they needed to make it big - like really BIG, eh? (Well, maybe not actually BIG ... but his daddy DOES let them play under the tent at the family’s annual Dim Sum and Fox Hunt Party.) AND THE REST IS HISTORY. Or fantasy. I keep getting those two mixed up.

Band Members

OLY FUNT: Vocals, baritone uke, lubrication /

BINDER PANU: Bass, veggie snacks, bouncer /

RICKI SANTINI: Percussion, money laundering, bail /

AUSTIN KOWLOON: Keyboards, greasing palms, looks of disdain