SANF

Taoism:
Shit happens.

Confucianism:
Confucius say, "Shit happens."

Buddhism:
If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

Zen Buddhism:
What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism:
This shit has happened before.

Islam:
If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Catholicism:
If shit happens, you deserve it.

Protestantism:
Let shit happen to someone else.

Presbyterian:
This shit was bound to happen.

Episcopalian:
It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.

Methodist:
It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Congregationalist:
Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.

Unitarian:
Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.

Lutheran:
If shit happens, don't talk about it.

Fundamentalism:
If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)

Judaism:
Why does this shit always happen to us?

Calvinism:
Shit happens because you don't work.

Seventh Day Adventism:
No shit shall happen on Saturday.

Creationism:
God made all shit.

Secular Humanism:
Shit evolves.

Unitarianism:
Come let us reason together about this shit.

Quakers:
Let us not fight over this shit.

Utopianism:
This shit does not stink.

Darwinism:
This shit was once food.

Capitalism:
That's MY shit.

Communism:
It's everybody's shit.

Feminism:
Men are shit.

Chauvinism:
We may be shit, but you can't live without us.

Commercialism:
Let's package this shit.

Impressionism:
From a distance, shit looks like a garden.

Idolism:
Let's bronze this shit.

Existentialism:
What is shit, anyway?

Stoicism:
This shit is good for me.

Hedonism:
There is nothing like a good shit happening!

Mormonism:
God sent us this shit.

Wiccan:
An it harm none, let shit happen.

Scientology:
If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.

Jehovah's Witnesses:
May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?

Moonies:
Only really happy shit happens.

Hare Krishna:
Shit happens, rama rama.

Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this shit!

Practical:
Deal with shit one day at a time.

Agnostic:
What is this shit?

Satanism:
SNEPPAH TIHS.

Atheism:
I can't believe this shit!

Nihilism:
No shit.